{crazyjen}

I made a funny today!

Okay, so lately I just haven't felt like I've been very funny at all, which is sad because one of the greatest excitment/joys of my life is if I can make somebody laugh. Seriously, I mean that. I enjoy making people laugh, if I can. :) Whatever it takes, a dirty joke, a clean joke, some weird facial expression or body movement, a strange noise (I can make a lot), whatever but for some reason, lately, I've been super happy but just not feeling like I'm funny at all. Can't crack a good joke, can't be dry and sarcastic or nothign, but today I was. :)

So I'm sitting at work, not really talking because my mouth is a little sore after eating lunch and having to talk this morning. It still gets a bit sore, it doesn't hurt, just sore and tight so I try to keep a lid on my yapper. Wow, I know. :) Jen, quiet, alert the f'in media.

Anywho, I work with Carlotta, Kim and Kevin and we sit close enough to each other so that we can hear each other (mostly) and talk between each other without getting up. Handy, right?

So Kevin just pipes up and says, "I'm moving to Utah."

Carlotta says, "NO, you're not! Why would you move there?"

So I just bust out with, "Multiple Wives!"

That's all it took for the lid to come off Carlotta, she just bust out laughing. It was hilarious. Then I started laughing because, well, it was funny and because she was laughing so hard it was infectious. Then Kevin and Kim started laughing too.

See, that's what I needed, a really good line and some infectious laughter. Anybody wanna help me out tonight? I could use some more. :)

Snacks at the movies

Kim, Tom, Mom and I went to the movies tonight. We went to see We Own the Night with Robert Duvall, Joachin Phoenix, Mark Walburg and Eva Mendes. It was pretty good. Lots of twists and turns. I don't think I'd buy it but it was okay.

Anyway, so Kim is cleaning out her purse to stick all our contraband in there. (Who wants to pay $3.50 for a box of junior mints? Not me.) So she puts in a couple kit kats, a propel, some beef sticks and a bologna sandwich....yes, that's right, a bologna sandwich. Even though we had just ate she thought she might get hungry. Talking about "packin' a lunch."

So here's a conversation we had about the whole stuffin' food in her purse thing.

J: Kim, you're bringing a bologna sandwich in the theatre?

K: Yep, I like bologna, plus I might get hungry.

J: We just had blts's and that delicious apple dish I made and you didn't even finish it and you're bringing a bologna sandwich in your purse?

K: It won't fit. Tom, put it in your coat pocket.

J: Geez Kim.

K: What? I like bologna.

J: Did you at least put cheese on it?

K: No. (sheepishly)

J: Why not? I love bologna and cheese. Did you at least put butter on it?

K: Yep. (pause) only on half though. (smiles)

J: I guess that's my half then.

K: Ah! It's my sandwich.

J: So, you're full anyway so you might not eat the whole thing anyway.

K: I'll make you one.

J: Nevermind. Hey Kimmie it's like Napolean Dynamite except instead of "Gimme some of your tots." I'll say, "Gimme a bologna sandwich!"

So then after the movie we're on our way home and we were discussing the movie and there was some pot smoking in it and some other drug use too. So Kim was teasing Tom that he was a drug dealer and the following conversation ensues:

T: I've been selling pot from the house and you don't even know it.

K: It better be the good stuff.

T: Yeah.

K: Nah. I can't see you selling pot maybe a pot belly pig.

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

That line was so absolutely rip-roaring, gut wrenching, teary eyed funny that Kim and I could barely get out of the car to walk to the house we were laughing so hard. Thomas didn't really do much or say much just that we looked ridiculous laughing so hard. We'd stop for a second and then start up again. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Thinking about Grandma this morning...

and how she used to sing this song. After I learned it I would sing too.

"I'll sell my shoe for a bottle of booze. Nobody knows how dry I am. If you're so dry why dontcha buy a rockin' rye for you and me."

She's probably rolling over in her grave because I'm posting this but I'm going to do it anyway because when I remember things like this I want to get them down somewhere because nobody's memory is fulproof.

This simple, kind of naughty little song was just like her. She was funny, liked beer and was humorous. :) Well, that's not all but this song brings me back to sitting with her at the old house. I can hear her singing it in my head. At some point I'm sure I won't be able to so I'm going to cherish it now. :)

Witty...

I went out to lunch with my accounting co-workers. Okay, I know what you're thinking...how exciting can that possibly be? Well, after we got past the office garbage which is insanely boring but highly necessary, seriously, you can't have a work lunch without talking about work. Well, I can't or I feel guilty. Anywho, we're sitting outside at a round table and we are getting pestered by a hornet and some house flys. In fact, the controller, the hockey star, was getting it the worst so he finally commented on it. He said, "Okay, I'm the salt-lick of the wild, so we gotta get out of here before they eat me alive." I laughed so hard. Isn't that witty? Salt-lick of the wild. Haaa LOL

Okay, just thought I'd bring some cheer to your day. I know it did for me. Dontcha just love that, those funny little witty phrases that just put a smile on your face? I do. :)

The SCFF Fair Chronicles - Day 1: Issue 1

The Steele County Free Fair (aka SCFF) is going on this week. Technically it doesn't start until 5 p.m. on Tuesday but as my family and I have been in 4-H since it's inception we have traditionally started on the Monday of the week of the fair.Mostly because 4-H general project judging is today as well as the Rabbit show and Tuesdays open class animals have to be in tonight.

That being said here is my chronically of the SCFF this year. I'm going to try and post at least once a day with pictures and anything funny or exciting that happened. I would post all of the food that we eat but that seems a bit glutonous for a blog. :)

Today we woke up early and ate breakfast at the Aurora Diner at 6:15 a.m. Dad drove to Michelle's house and her and I and Jack all left together. Kim and Thomas were already there, they were the first customers! Yeah! (Okay, it's a bit psycho but they have really good food. Note: I know where Jack gets his eating habits from, check out the picture of Michelle eating eggs down below. :P) Jack terrorized the joint. He kept wanting to pull out the chairs and climb on the tables and play with the salt and pepper shakers.The little terror. He tried to help out making pies but we thwarted him as his idea of helping would be to throw them all on the ground and watch the splat and giggle. So that was a no-no.

Then Michelle and I stopped at home for her cookies to take in and over to Mom and Dad's to get Dad's zucchini. They were ungodly huge like some ogre experiment gone wrong but I'm entering on Dad's behalf anyway At least somebody will get a laugh out of it anyways. I'd say what I really thought they looked like but it wouldn't be appropriate for this blog, you get the idea, all I"m going to say is elephant. :) We then dropped it off and got some lunch for Jack at the Adult leaders stand.A nice lunch for him of red grapes and a ham and cheese sandwich with tart lemonade on the side. Yeah, it was so tart I had to dilute it with water. :)

We then went to Timmer's to get Mom a flower arrangement because it's Mom and Dad's 30th Wedding Anniversary. Pretty cool huh? When I was picking out a card I almost grabbed the "Condolensces" card. If you know my Dad, you know why. :) We then picked Mom up and ate lunch with Sheila, Jamie and Traci at the Jr. Leader's Stand (4-H Grill is the "official name" but to us old-timers it's the Jr.Leader's).  Jack ran around and wanted to pick up rocks and sit on the skid loaders. I kept telling him to find the JD's.

Michelle and I then dropped Mom off at work and went to buy two parking passes for the week $20 a piece, which isn't bad considering that we go to the fair at least twice a day and parking costs in the neighborhood of $5, so if you say none on Monday and 2 for Tu,W,Th, Fr, Sa, and Su so you are saving $40, pretty slick.

Here's a funny story. So I had to walk down to the fair office and Michelle parked the truck by some carnies who were setting up a ride and waited because Jack was sleeping and when I got back from the fair office she said to me,

"Jen, I saw two butt cracks I never wanted to see and a fat man who had more stretch marks than I do...the butt-cracks were like a train wreck I couldn't look away and all I could think about what either get a belt or pull your pants up." That was so friggin' hilarious! :) LOL I laughed and laughed. Too funny.

So now I'm supposed to be napping because I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning playing Boggle and woke up at 5:30, so basically I need a nap or I'll be useless tonight. Okay, bye bye Here's some shots of the day so far. (I'm obsessed with adobe photoshop so you're going to get collages.

A limerick for you...

Here's a poem I wrote at 9:22 p.m. on my way out the door of work.

There once was an accountant named Jen,

who worked every night past ten,

her brain gave out

which meant without a doubt

that it was time to go home then.

Okay, I thought it was funny. Maybe not but hey, some weirdo humor. Make I'll make another one then.

Witty Jokes

I got an email from a co-worker today and this line I thought was particularly funny:

"Old is When:  Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face."

"Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today."

"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."

Just some fun jokes for the day.

THE BEST PRANK EVER!!!

Okay, so get this, Michelle and I played the best prank ever on Dad! Here's how it went:

We drove home from the cities on Sunday night after the Martina McBride concert. I call Dad to see if he finished changing the oil in my car. He said yeah and that I could pick it up on the way home. Michelle wanted Dad to drop it off at her house so that we wouldn't have to stop. Dad said no and that mad Michelle mad. She didn't want to have to add another 15 minutes to our travel time as we didn't leave the cities until 9:30 p.m. Plus, Dad wasn't doing anything anyway except watching TV with Mom and Chris. So Michelle told Dad she was going to let the air out of his tires. He just laughed and said it wouldn't take that long for us to have to stop. We could speed on Hwy 12 becaus there were never any cops.

So Michelle is fuming and we finally get to Medford. As we are driving/speeding on Hwy 12 a cop turns around and pulls us over. Okay, Dad, there are cops on 12! He lets us go with a warning. I said, "We're definitely letting the air out of his tires now."

We get to Mom and Dad's and neither of us had a tire pressure gauge so we searched Dad and Mom's truck and looked in Chris's car. (We would have done it a different way but we didn't have the right tools.) Finally we found one.

Just so you get the picture, Dad's truck is parked parallel to the big kitchen window of the house. The light is on so if anybody walks into the kitchen they could see the entire left-hand side of the truck. We decided to flatten the front right tire then so nobody could see us.

So there's Michelle, squating down,  flattening the right front tire and I'm standing guard watching the kitchen window for evidence of human activity.  Lucky for us the dogs didn't hear us otherwise our attempt would have been thwarted. We ended up only doing one becuase it took so long.

So the next day neither of us heard anything from Dad or Mom about it. That seemed strange to me so then today Michelle calls me on her way home and tells me the following:

Mom came over to their house last night to drop something off. So Guy proceeds to tell her what Michelle and I did to Dad. I guessed she laughed her a$$ off. So then Mom tells Dad and he laughs too. Mom then proceeds to tell Michelle that Dad knew he had a flat tire but he just used the compressor to fill it back up and took it into the shop to have the tire repaired. Haaaaa haaaa haaaa He didn't even realize that we had done it! He thought he picked up something, even though Michelle said she was going to flatten his tire the night before. 

So, chalk one up for me and Michelle. Dad = 0. hee hee haa haa LOL LOL LOL I'm going crazy here, laughing my a$$ off becuase we got Dad good!!!! LOL

Phone Prank

I played a prank on my mother-in-law last night. It was hilarious. Haven't done a prank in awhile but it was funny.

So Ryan and I were casually watching Elf. I really detest Wil Ferrell so I don't generally watch his movies but Ryan wanted to and I thought, hey why not. So at one point Wil Ferrell picks up his Dad's phone in the office and and says, "This is Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" Ryan and I just bust out laughing. It was hilarious. So I told Ryan to call and prank his Dad and he said no that I should prank his Mom.  So I said okay. I called her up and just flat out said, "Hi this is Buddy the Elf, What's your favorite color?" I could barely contain my laughter and snorts. She was pretty irritated. She said, "Who is this, Pam?" and I said, "No, this is Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" I put my hand over the receiver and laughed and then she hung up on me.

So I called her back and got the answering machine. The next time I called my father-in-law picked up and I asked for Nancy. When Nancy picked up I said, "Hey, why did you hang up on me?" Then I started laughing and she started laughing after I told her the story. Gosh it was hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing and she couldn't either. She was having a bad day too so I'm glad I could make her laugh. Ryan was just rolling too.

Joy to the world...

So I've been listening to Christmas music lately. I've just felt in the mood. A bit early for me actually. Usually I don't watch Christmas movies, listen to music or other stuff until after Thanksgiving. I think this year I've decided that if Iwait until after T-giving then it goes too fast for me. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I don't want to miss any of it. I don't want to feel cheated.

So my point of this blog post is that I was listening to Christmas music, specifically, Joy to the World, on my way to work the other day and I was singing along but the first words that came to mind wasn't the original Joy to the World but was this...

"Joy to the world, the teachers dead, we barbecued her head, we stuffed her down the potty. A round and round she goes, a round and round she goes. A roooo0-und and rooounnnd and round she goes." Not your classic rendition of Joy to the World but we used to sing that in school all the time. It's a joke but it's kind of funny. So I guess this post is for my hubby the teacher. :)